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  • YOU KILLED A PLANT.
A potted cactus on a bright yellow background with the text 'I KILLED A CACTUS. APPARENTLY THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.

YOU'RE OUR KIND OF PEOPLE.

Maybe you forgot to water it. Maybe you watered it every time you walked past it. Maybe it got moved to "a better spot" and was never seen alive again. Maybe you have absolutely no idea what happened.

Plant Killers Welcome.

For people who love plants enough
to keep buying them anyway.

MAKE YOURS OFFICIAL

SO WHAT IS PLANT KILLERS WELCOME?

A tipped-over terracotta planter with spilled soil and small green plants growing out, isolated on a white background.

THE CASUALTY

The plant that didn't make it. We're going to need the details.

A black-framed certificate print with a white background and placeholder text reading 'Official Certificate of Casualty Kevin'.

THE CERTIFICATE

Give it a name. Tell us what happened. We'll handle the paperwork and enter it into the Plant Killers Registry.

A bottle of 936 All Purpose Cleaner & Degreaser, featuring a white plastic bottle with a black and red label, set against a plain white background.

THE WELCOME EDITION

Serious GrowScripts formula. In very unserious packaging.

A potted houseplant with glossy green leaves and small white flowers, shown in a light cream-colored ceramic pot against a plain white background.

THE NEXT ONE

Because obviously you're buying another plant.

CHECKING THE RECORDS...
See who didn't make it.

MAKE IT OFFICIAL.

A memorial-style certificate design reading 'Official Certificate of Casualty' with the name Kevin, plus humorous cause-of-death and survival notes, on a white background with a thin black border.

MAKE IT OFFICIAL.

NAME THE VICTIM.
We can't file paperwork for “that little green one from Trader Joe's.” Give us something to work with.

TELL US WHAT HAPPENED.
Overwatering. Underwatering. Vacation. Neglect. Suspicious circumstances. We're not here to judge.

GET THE CERTIFICATE.
Case number. Cause of casualty. Official documentation. Your work here is done.

ENTER THE REGISTRY.
Case number assigned. Cause of casualty documented. Official record created.

CREATE A CERTIFICATE
What kind of help do you want this time?

SO YOU'RE TRYING AGAIN. GOOD.

THE WHOLE PLAN

Care kits give you the products and the plan. Fewer opportunities to improvise.

SHOP CARE KITS

JUST MAKE FEEDING EASY

One formula. Mix it. Water. Try not to complicate it.

SHOP 9-3-6

I ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT I NEED

Look at you. Pick exactly what your plant needs.

SHOP PRODUCTS
A dried, withered potted plant in a terracotta-colored plastic pot, surrounded by spilled soil on a plain white background.
A clean white studio background with no visible product, person, text, or environment details.

ROUND TWO.

Different plant. New plan. Better luck.

TRY AGAIN
A green pothos plant with variegated leaves in a speckled off-white ceramic pot, surrounded by loose soil on a white background.

QUESTIONS FROM THE ACCUSED

DO I HAVE TO BUY SOMETHING TO REPORT A PLANT?

No. Plant death has already cost you enough. The certificate is free.

WHAT COUNTS AS A PLANT CASUALTY?

If it was alive, you tried, and now it isn't, we'll take the report.

WHAT IF I DON'T KNOW HOW IT DIED?

Neither do most people. “No idea what happened” is a perfectly acceptable cause of casualty.

WHAT IS THE PLANT KILLERS WELCOME EDITION?

It's GrowScripts 9-3-6 in a limited-edition bottle made for people with a less-than-perfect plant record. Same serious plant food. Much less serious bottle.

DO I NEED THE WELCOME EDITION TO JOIN IN?

Nope. Report a casualty, get your certificate, join the registry. The bottle is there if you're ready to try again.

YOU KILLED A PLANT.

It happens. Name it. Report it. Give it the send-off it deserves.

Then go buy another plant like we both know you're going to.

PLANT KILLERS WELCOME.

REPORT A CASUALTY → | SHOP GROWSCRIPTS →

May the next one have better luck.