Plant Killers Welcome

A ripe yellow lemon hanging from a potted lemon tree with green leaves, set against a warm, softly blurred indoor background.

YOU'RE OUR KIND OF PEOPLE.

Maybe you forgot to water it. Maybe you watered it every time you walked past it. Maybe it got moved to "a better spot" and was never seen alive again. Maybe you have absolutely no idea what happened.

Plant Killers Welcome.

For people who love plants enough to keep buying them anyway.

MAKE YOURS OFFICIAL →

SO WHAT IS PLANT KILLERS WELCOME?

THE CASUALTY

Every good story starts with the plant that didn't make it. Give us a name. Tell us what happened. We promise not to call the authorities.

THE CERTIFICATE

Every casualty deserves proper documentation. We'll give your plant its own unnecessarily official Plant Killers certificate. Suitable for downloading, sharing, and explaining yourself.

THE WELCOME EDITION

A special rotating edition of GrowScripts plant food for people willing to admit there have been casualties. Serious formula. Very unserious packaging.

THE NEXT ONE

Because obviously you're buying another plant. We can help with that part too.

MAKE IT OFFICIAL.

NAME THE VICTIM.

We can't file paperwork for "that little green one from Trader Joe's." Give us something to work with.

TELL US WHAT HAPPENED.

Overwatering. Underwatering. Vacation. Neglect. Suspicious circumstances. We're not here to judge.

GET THE CERTIFICATE.

Case number. Cause of death. Official documentation. Your work here is done.

REPORT A CASUALTY → It's free. Your reputation may never recover.

SOME THINGS DESERVE TO BE REMEMBERED.

Gone. Probably too soon. Definitely preventable. But never forgotten.

CREATE A CERTIFICATE →

Sold out

THE PLANT KILLERS WELCOME EDITION

SAME SERIOUS FORMULA. MUCH LESS SERIOUS BOTTLE.

Inside the bottle is GrowScripts 9-3-6 Complete Plant Food. Because while we're perfectly happy to joke about what happened to the last plant, we'd rather give the next one a fighting chance.

16 nutrients in one formula Calcium + magnesium included Chloride-free Simple liquid feeding

Same GrowScripts formula. Special Plant Killers Welcome packaging.

SHOP THE CURRENT EDITION SEE THE SERIES

SO. YOU'RE TRYING AGAIN.

Good. What kind of help do you want this time?

I WANT THE WHOLE PLAN. PLANT CARE KITS The products, the schedule, and what to use when. Basically, fewer opportunities to improvise. SHOP CARE KITS →

JUST MAKE FEEDING EASY. GROWSCRIPTS 9-3-6 One complete liquid plant food for the everyday plants around your house, patio, and garden. SHOP 9-3-6 →

I ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT I NEED. INDIVIDUAL PRODUCTS Look at you. Shop individual GrowScripts fertilizers and plant-care products. SHOP INDIVIDUAL PRODUCTS →

QUESTIONS FROM THE ACCUSED

DO I HAVE TO BUY SOMETHING TO REPORT A PLANT?

No. Plant death has already cost you enough. The certificate is free.

WHAT COUNTS AS A PLANT CASUALTY?

Did you own it? Is it dead? We're not going to overcomplicate this.

WHAT IF I DON'T KNOW HOW IT DIED?

"Unknown causes" is a perfectly respectable answer. Some cases remain unsolved.

WHAT IS THE PLANT KILLERS WELCOME EDITION?

It's GrowScripts 9-3-6 Complete Plant Food dressed for the occasion. Same serious formula. Special rotating Plant Killers Welcome labels.

DO I NEED THE WELCOME EDITION TO JOIN IN?

Absolutely not. Plant Killers Welcome is for anyone with a plant-related incident in their past.

WHAT IF I'M ACTUALLY GOOD WITH PLANTS?

Congratulations. We all hate you. You're still welcome.

YOU KILLED A PLANT.

It happens. Name it. Report it. Give it the send-off it deserves.

Then go buy another plant like we both know you're going to.